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You had a relapse and your psychologist made several accusations against you, none of which were true. Jesus gave you encouragement through another song. It sounds to me like Jesus was causing your problems.

Even though Jesus was encouraging me through songs, I was still possessed by the demon and it had a firm grip on my life. I was struggling between Jesus and the indwelling demon. Sometime during all these experiences I was beginning to have out of body experiences. It was very frightening. The first time it occurred was at night when my sister and I were settled down for the night in our bedroom. I was not yet asleep when I felt my spirit just rise up out of my body, go over to my sister’s bedside and say to her repeatedly, “Help me, please help me.” Then my spirit returned to my body. These out of body experiences happened many, many, times over the years.

I no longer wanted to live. I told my mom that I have had it, and that I was going to kill myself. I wanted out of this hell that I was experiencing. She cornered me and told me that if I did kill myself that I would go to someplace worse than what I was experiencing. I couldn’t imagine anything worse that what I was experiencing. I again thought that if I killed myself I would be with Jesus and that would be okay. But at the same time, I thought my mom was right. That if I killed myself maybe I would go to the real hell.

The only thing that prevented me from killing myself that day was the thought that my family would be going through the same thing they went through just a few years earlier when we had a death in the family. I saw the pain and suffering my parents endured with the loss of their child, and I did not want them to go through that experience again. Not only that, Jesus encouraged me to live by the next song, ‘Keep Yourself Alive’.

Keep Yourself Alive
Queen - 1973

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