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What you are now saying is that you believe that Jesus told you through the song, And When I Die, is that when He (Jesus) was dead and gone from this world, that there would someday be a replacement for Him born into the world; someone to complete the work that He started. Well, that is Biblical. 2 Thessalonians 2:4 states that someone does come along proclaiming himself to be God. But so what? Many people have come and gone proclaiming to be God. There are people in the present, right now, that are proclaiming to be God. That’s nothing new. Do you honestly believe that Jesus was giving you, and you alone, a secret message about someone coming along after Him to finalize what He started?

September 15, 1971

A few of us went outside the hospital walls to play softball outside. I was trying to catch a flying ball and instead of catching it got hit very hard in the left eye and forehead and then I fell to the ground in severe pain. I was dizzy but was able to get up and walk back into the hospital. I later learned that they documented I was hit in the right leg with no apparent injuries. What a lie!

When arrangements were being made for me to leave the hospital for good, a young man came to me and insisted he was my doctor and asked me to step into his office. His office was a broom closet with no desk or windows. I thought he was joking. This was a small closet with a bucket, broom, mop, etc., all the things one would find in a custodian's closet. There was a light with a pull-down string on it that he turned on as we entered. He closed the door behind us. Because the closet was so small, we stood close to each other under the light while he spoke to me. He informed me that I was going to be released from the hospital and he wanted me to promise him something after I left. He made me promise him that I would contact a place called the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation (BVR) as soon as I returned home. He said they would send me to college to continue with my education. I promised him I would do that, and we parted company. I never saw the man again and if he was my doctor, like he insisted he was, it was the first and last time I ever saw the man.

October 1, 1971

I was discharged from the hospital forever. My final diagnosis was acute paranoid schizophrenia. It was suggested that I separate from my parents and not return to the same environment that I had left. But I wanted to be with my parents and my siblings. They did not have the same feelings toward me as I had toward them. My siblings whom I had cared for in my youth, criticized me, mocked me, and ridiculed me, as well as my mother did. No one from the hospital told me to contact the mental health clinic in town to continue with my therapy when I returned home. If someone from the hospital had made an appointment for me at the counseling center in my town as a follow-up, I probably would have gone. When I did return home, I kept my promise and called the BVR. I was told school had already started for the school year and that I would have to call back in a year when school started for the Autumn Quarter 1972. I was fine with that. I had kept my promise and that ended there. I was now living at home in the same chaotic environment I had left just 49 days ago. Nothing had changed there.

I wanted to talk with Father Geidman. When I called the rectory, I was told he had been transferred. I asked if I could talk with the priest that my friends had talked to. But I was told he had been transferred also. There had been a farewell party for the both of them at the Catholic Church on Sunday, August 29. I bet Father Geidman was available to attend the party. So, I next called the counseling center and asked if I could speak with the counselor I had talked with earlier. I was told he had moved out of state. No one suggested I talk with a counselor that was there. I wanted to talk to everyone that was there in the beginning to clear things up for me, but everyone had left town.

Everyone whom I had cared to talk with and who had known me before, had moved on with their lives. I was in this thing all alone. I contemplated suicide. I was not scared of dying and I really did not care if I did die. I had no peace in my life and I was struggling between Jesus and the indwelling demon. I had no one to talk to about these things that were happening to me. I figured if I just killed myself, I would be with Jesus in heaven, and that would be okay.

If You Wanna Get To Heaven
Ozark Mountain Daredevils - 1974

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