So you were torn between staying at the Catholic school because that is where you were educated for the past eleven years, your roots were there, and you were grounded there; and leaving because you had so many doubts about the Catholic Church and the God that you learned about since your youth. You only had one more year left of school. What did you decide?
I made the difficult decision to return to the Catholic high school for my senior year. For the next year of my high school life I seriously doubted the existence of the God whom I had heard about all my life. I saw no evidence of the Jesus I had been taught about all my life as I walked the halls and attended classes taught by priests and nuns at the Catholic High School. I saw no proof there, nor at the Catholic Church I attended, that Jesus ever even existed. My doubting got stronger and stronger every day until I erased the existence of God from my life. I remember slamming my locker at school one day and almost to the point of tears declared, "I just do not believe any more!"
I was now a full-fledged atheist attending a Catholic School. I knew I had a problem. I came to believe that the Bible was full of lies, myths, and fables. I believed the Bible was full of fabricated stories to give man hope. I believed the Bible was a book of fiction, full of ridiculous stories that held no truth whatsoever. I did not believe anything the Bible had to offer. I did not believe that Jesus ever did exist. I did not believe He was a real person, who lived a long time ago. I believed someone just invented him. Too real was the feeling that Jesus was just make-believe. Too real was the feeling that I had to conceal my unbelief in my heart. I saw no proof of Jesus anywhere. Not in my life, not at school, not at church, not in the lives of any of the priests, nuns or teachers. I came to believe that Father Geidman had misled me about Jesus all those years. It was hard for me to sit in my religion classes and hear about a loving God that I did not even believe existed. So I began to pretend. I just went along with everything. I just played the game. I pretended that I believed, and no one ever caught on or questioned me. I continued living my life just as before and even continued to go to Church every Sunday so that no one would suspect anything. And no one ever did. My life went on without incident until May 1971.
The Great Pretender
The Platters - 1955
May 4th, 1971-The Perfect Storm Luke 19:38 (Note: Palm Sunday was on April 4th, 1971, just a month before this incident)
Graduation was now just a few weeks away. I had been pretending all school year that I was a believer, of which I was not. On May 4, 1971, I had asked to be excused from class. On my way back to class I saw a friend of mine standing in the hall. I stopped to talk with him and as we were loitering in the hall talking none other than Father Geidman came around the corner. He glared at me and began to yell at me for being out of my classroom. He yelled at me and said, "What are you doing out of class? Get back to your class NOW!" I did not budge. I just glared back at him and thought, "Who do you think you are telling me what to do? You're just one of those priests who misled me about God and Jesus. How could you stand up in front of the classroom and teach us about a loving God that does not even exist? You're nothing but a liar!" As I was thinking these thoughts in my mind, I felt something hovering above my head. Just as I was finishing my last thought, I felt something enter my body. It came from above and entered my head first, and then encapsulated the rest of my body. It felt as if a brick had been dropped on my head. My head became very heavy. I heard Father Geidman say, "Did you hear what I said? Return to your class NOW!" He was very angry with me and I glared at him for a few seconds as our eyes locked. I then turned like the crack of a whip and walked back to class. From that day on, I was never again the same person. Something was inside of me and began to control my life.
Several hours later I became extremely ill with a very high fever. I did not return to school the next day and missed three days of school. I only remember lying in bed for three solid days with a high fever and unable to help myself. I was very feeble and helpless. I begged my mother to take me to the doctor, but she refused. She said what I had was the flu and that there was nothing the doctor could do for me. I told her this was not the flu, but she would not listen to me. Since she resented me, she ignored my plea for help, and she ignored my health. She did bring me my meals and kept a cold wet rag on my forehead. She also gave me medicine to break my fever, but my fever would not break until the third day. Then I felt better and returned to school. I had needed medical attention from a physician, and she refused to attend to me in this manner. I probably fried my brain during those three days of feverish agony. Not only that, but I had felt something enter my body, which I believed to be a demon, which I believed had caused my fever when it entered my body.
May 10, 1971
This was my first day back to school after being demonized. A demon was now controlling my life. Its power was overwhelming. By not believing in God anymore, I had invited the evil entity into my life without even realizing it. I did not know that I had left myself wide open for the evil spirit by not believing in God anymore. I did not know I had been possessed until several years later when the demon left my body. Then I looked back on my life and figured it out. It was exactly one year, to the date. From the day I began to question the existence of God on May 4, 1970, to the date the evil spirit entered my body on May 4, 1971, was exactly one year. It was as if I was being watched by the spiritual world. 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." The devil looks for people to possess. He found a victim in me. There was a change in my personality after I became demonized.
Demons are intelligent forces. They are neither stupid nor ignorant. They know God, they know Jesus, and they know how the world works. They are basically unseen forces at work in our world, although, many people claim to have seen a demon. They have been around longer than us and are more powerful and smarter than us. They do not die off, like humans. They live on, and on, and on. If they leave one body they had possessed, they will roam around until they find another victim. Their job is to destroy the image of God in man. They watch people, they look for people who are easy targets, possess them, and destroy their lives. They seem to take possession of the weak, the vulnerable, the uneducated, and even those who have turned their backs on God. But not all the weak, vulnerable, uneducated, and Godless people are demonized. Demons seem to have a strategy where they weigh the pros and cons before they take possession of someone. Perhaps they ask, "Will this one be a good one to take down?" Or "Will I be successful in destroying this life?" The enemy is looking for new ways and strategies to attack us unaware. They wait for the perfect opportunity and then take possession.
Many people who are possessed are also mentally ill. The mental illness may be a direct result of the possession, or the possession may have taken place because a person is mentally ill. In today's age, where people do not want to believe in spiritual entities, it is easy to just label the demonized person as mentally ill. Our society puts the label of mental illness on what may in fact be a classic case of demon possession. The reason they do this is because they do not believe it is possible for a person to be demonized. And they are probably correct in labeling the person as mentally ill because mental illness should never be labeled as demon possession, even if it is the case. All disease is not due to demons, but some may be. The root of some physical symptoms may be spiritual, not organic. Those who are demonized, along with those who are truly mentally ill, are often given anti-psychotic medications, which turn them into zombies, damaging them even more.
The Old Testament writers believed in demons as did Paul, (Ephesians 4:27) Peter (1 Peter 5:8), the early church fathers and Jesus. The most common miracle Jesus performed was driving out demons from the demonized. In His teachings Jesus references demons, Satan, and the spiritual world. All throughout the history of the traditional church people have believed in demons.
Individuals who engage themselves in unspeakable evil in this world are often labeled as mentally ill and described as " an evil person". But often there is something deeper going on than meets the eye, that just can't be explained by mere observation. There is another dimension in our world that is invisible. It is the spiritual world that engages in spiritual warfare and it is happening all around us and unbeknownst to us. There is a spiritual darkness that wants us to be failures and that wants our faith to disintegrate. It wants to steal our joy, peace, harmony, happiness and meaning and purpose that we have in this life. There is a spiritual enemy that wants all of that to disappear from our lives. And if you are aware of this, if you accept and believe that there is an evil spiritual dimension that wants to drag you down and destroy you, you can lift yourself up and beyond that and prevent yourself from being dragged down.
The Shaman are an ecology of spirits that are predators that feed off energy from human life forces by possession. They can and do enter human souls that are traumatized by unfortunate life circumstances such as childhood trauma, physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Humans, both young and old, lose part of their soul when they endure such experiences in their life. People that have had to live with trauma, live with their soul being severed, which produces holes in the person's soul. This hole in the soul allows an entryway for spiritual predators to enter and influence that person's life, without the person realizing it. There is now an entity living inside the person who can and does control the actions of the person. While the entity is living inside the person it feeds off the suffering victim and also gives some of its energy to the victim allowing the victim to accomplish things they otherwise would not have been able to accomplish on their own. They are invisible entities that were forced or pushed out of their original dwelling place and were placed here on earth.
There are other spiritual beings that dwell here on earth also. But they are in opposition of the Shaman and coexist among humans as guardians instead of predators. These two entities, the good ones and the bad ones, both coexist on earth, in complete opposition of each other. One to protect, the other to torment and destroy. One can protect themselves from these predators by praying and asking for protection from them. The spirit world is real and there are evil spirits as well as good spirits that dwell there. There does seem to be an effort by the good spirits to push or force the evilest of the evil spirits into areas where humans do not live therefore limiting their ability to possess human beings. That being said, there are still evil spirits that dwell among the human population and possess them. There are humans who are more vulnerable to possession than others. Why is that so? Because, as mentioned above, trauma puts a hole in the soul, that allows the evil spirits to enter. But one can only be possessed if one has a problem with God, a big problem.
I have been out on my bicycle, in secluded areas, and have, at times, noticed that it suddenly became extremely quiet. There were no sounds to be heard anywhere. There were no birds singing, no crickets chirping, no rustling in the woods, and no wind blowing the trees. It just became eerily quiet. This may indicate that an entity is near or is passing through the area when everything becomes silent. Then, after a few minutes, the birds are again singing and natural sounds return. I have experienced and noticed this and did not understand it when it happened. But I understand it now.
Perhaps Jesus gave me a year to change my mind about my beliefs before He released me to the evil spirit. I believe my fever was brought on by the demon settling down for a stay in my body. From the day the demon entered my body until the day it left my body, I became an evil woman.
Crow - 1969